βðňعәŗ

What compels a man to become smitten and enamored, entranced, obsessed, obsessed with a woman, one particular woman? How can a passion for one special person brutally enslave his heart and mind, giving him no rest, no peace? Why does he believe, without reservation, that only this one woman, distant, unobtainable, perhaps even cruel and malicious, holds the promise of fulfillment for him?

The obsessed man has gaps, missing parts in his life. He is unfulfilled, incomplete, unfinished. He is driven to fill the emptiness, the void within him. His frantic pursuit of a woman is an anguished cry of desolation, an expression of the search for purpose and meaning in life that at some level must move all humans.

too all the shitty-heads & knuckle-heads of the earth

last time i wrote here was at the beginning of last puasa
see how time flies, and see how lazy and fat i’m getting
writing this needs energy, a lot of ideas and concentration LOL
i can talk rubbish all day, but who’s gonna listen anyway
it’s already 2007 and my now my gf even created another blog for herself
owh i’m so into this right now
i mean NOW and this moment only
after this, you’ll have to wait for another year for an entry

been undergoing my practical at a consultant in ipoh for almost 2 months now
small place, small allowance, lots of craps
an OT there won’t give u any cent
see what ipoh offered me, NUTHIN!
i would have preferred going to sunway at the first place if not for my dad who half-forced me to stay
two malays, two indians and a bunch load of chinese - that’s racism dude

new year = new resolution, NOT!
what i would love to have this year is to get married, have 5 kids and live a long and happy life
is that too hard to get?
well that depends actually on where my love life would take me this year
it was never easy, yet we must always hold on to what we held dear
owh i’m so in the mood for love, but who to love?
that’s for u to wonder

but as far as i can see it, or even experienced it, love can only brings you to two places:

• eternal happiness
• absolute darkness plus the pain, tears, anger, etc

not to mention along the way, u’ll be facing with obstacles, bound to make u doubt or even regret ur actions and decisions
then what will u do to overcome it
will u succumb & fall, or will u survive & appreciate every second u spend with them
well darkness isn’t as bad as u think it would be
sometimes it’s better to stay in the dark, because in the dark there may be fear but there’s also hope
so u choose ur life, u choose ur destiny
i dun want to be a part of it, cause mine is already complex as it is ;p
but still, i appreciate her with all my heart, and i do hope she appreciates me too nonetheless

well i’m certainly would be keeping a yearly blog

most people do this everyday but i’m too busy to do anything
i don’t even have time to bath..owh fark dah pukul 10
break mandi jap..
i want to write this to that i won’t have to write for another year

—————————————————————————————–

owh wait
been rummaging through my pics and found this
a snipet of what i looked like over the years
mai pun only saw one of these
kutuk as u please but honestly, i’m cuter when i’m younger
                          like JT ha? i am a super noob in putting this up together

                          anybody can make this nicer? i’ll gladly take the offer

—————————————————————————————–

now to waste my unlimited-not-so-precious time i play dota
and some utp nutcase re-introduced me to MtG (Magic the Gathering)
i played that when i was in f2 up until f5 before i stopped due to lack of interest, not to mention the lack of money i had back then
now i’m wasting my money on those things
ahh fark, i’m lacking ideas to write..ohh lupe blum mandi
laters!

i took this from an episode of grey’s anatomy

Lying is bad or so we’re told, constantly, from birth.
Honesty is the best policy.
The truth shall set you free.
The fact is, lying is a necessity.
We lie to ourselves because the truth well the truth freaking hurts.
But here’s the truth about the truth, it hurts.
So we lie.   

that’s just wrong
u don’t lie to the people you love how much they hurt u, or u hurt them
that’s just wrong
but u can always lie to protect them
u can lie because you love them
but the same thing will always happen, u’ll be sinned, haha
that story is just so great, they won an award last night for the best series
the way they blend every aspect of the real world is so awesome
humour + romance + emotions <– how to make this sounds nicer?
ahh i’m just running out of ideas
that’s it
see u nx year!

so guys
have great sex along with the booze
and don’t forget to pray that GOD won’t sent u to hell
but then again, it’s just fucking impossible
u’ll die and rot in hell..opss..u won’t die..just rot and tortured again and again
the angel of death is everywhere, so beware

have fun living ur short life people!

assalamualaikumwarahmatullah.

life’s a bitch whe
n things doesn’t go your way. but then appreciate life because you only have one. but how can you appreciate them if you are not happy. people commit suicide because they are not happy. but don’t go there if you want to stay out of hell. i want to be happy. i want everybody to be happy. i want people who stand by me to be happy. yet, i made them uneasy. yet, i made them lose their faith in me. yet, i made them sad. where did i go wrong?

why did i even bother to make other people happy when they sometimes don’t even care about me. but i don’t blame them. they got other matters to attend to. other people for them to look after. they can bother about me later. well, until then i have to be patient. patience needs a lot of faith. you’re bound to be lost if you don’t have faith. after all, it’s just a little while. have i lost my faith? why can’t i be patient? am i too greedy? well, if it’s just for a little while, i can wait. i have to be understanding at times. just try. they are trying, so why should i succumb?

i am so sorry for hurting. it hurts me too. so that’s my share of fairness. writing can be fun sometimes, especially when you’re hurt. though it won’t heal you, it makes you better. i’m better already. aku buat salah kat korang ke? ekh mane ade, korang banyak dosan dgn aku. baik mintak maaf raya ni.. hahaha.. peace!

Good things aren’t always what they seem.
Too much of anything even love is not always a good thing.
How do you know how much is too much?
Too much, too soon?
Too much information?
                          Too much fun?
                          Too much love,
                          Too much to ask.
                          And when is it all just too much to bare?

                          crap.

despair is sumthing i dun want to feel right now
but sumhow it managed to break my system pertahanan badan n attacked my heart
why am i being too sensitive to everything? arhh hate this..
lame2 camni leh sakit jantung
sian mai
haha
kiddin ayg

i wonder how the hell people like zaid+mamau or keanu+athi could do it..but i sure have a lot of respect towards them..it was never a big deal for me before of spending the time alone during the holidays..but after she came into my life, a lot of things changed..now i have somebody that i can share even the slightest problems i have with..i don’t have to keep everything to myself anymore..

holidays aren’t that great like it used to be..they are now full with pain and sorrow..not that much of a pain actually, but still it was never the same..sometimes i wonder, y can’t i be living in a place like kl, where there are so many people to talk to, frens to see and of course mai to comfort me..i’m not saying that she isn’t comforting me, no i’m not..she has been a great girlfren to me and i love her for that ;] ..but now even keanu and his family will be leaving ipoh sometime later..ipoh is such a lovely place, but the community just sucked, or i’m the one who’s being such a jerk around here..really, i’ve never felt this emptiness & loneliness inside me..

i always made u worried n sad kan ayang..and i’m sorry for always acting like an idiot and an immature brat..its just that i miss u so much..that’s all..argh y do i have to post this anyway..maybe because i have nothing better to do at this time of the day..u asked me kan tadi ayg what am i going to do after u went to sleep..well here’s what i did..hehe..at least i don’t have to fill my time thinking about things..well, if it happens, it happens la kan..not being able to hope is really boring, but there will always be some other time..i’m just hoping that i can see u at least one time during this long period of time..but still that’s hoping..so who cares..gile la kalo taleh nak hope langsung..haha..why am i always making a big deal about small things..definately one of my bad qualities yg obviously nobody likes..still learning though..give it some time to get used to..nak write summore nanti lagi ngarut jadinyeh..better i stop here and find something better to do..it’s still far from my bedtime..nguap pun belum..argh bosan, bosan, bosan..hahaha..tulis blog ni sometimes can put all your miseries away..u r busy thinking what u r going to write la kan sampai u forgot ur real problems..at least now i’m better than before..nak buat ape nih..nak buat ape nih..hmm..can i call u now ayang?

i got the song’s lyric from maoi’s blog..this is the most sang tune (besides the college anthem) during my days at koleq..even now, sometimes me, alg or afiq will sing it out loud at our apartment in utp..but almost all the time we stop halfway through the song because we forgot the lyrics..this song reminds me on how much us, malays, dah tersimpang..yeah i know i am not that good of a person, but i still hold on to my religion, and i know my limits..one way or the other..sometimes we do forget our ways, our paths towards being a good & true muslim..it takes time to change a person, but it’s not impossible..to my beloved friends, think back on what u did..stop those nonsense things u r doing..beers, booze, getting laid ;p..find our way back n become a better person than before..may this syawal brings u more greater things in your life..i’m nobody, just a fren who wanted for the world to be a better place to live in..

Warisan

Anak kecil main api
Terbakar hatinya yang sepi
Air mata darah bercampur keringat
Bumi dipijak milik orang
Nenek moyang kaya raya
Tergadai seluruh harta benda
Akibat sengketa sesamalah kita
Cinta lenyap di arus zaman
Indahnya bumi kita ini
Warisan berkurun lamanya
Hasil mengalir ke tangan yang lain
Peribumi merintih sendiri
Kita rumpun bangsa Melayu
Menganut agama yang suci
Semangat bangsa berlandaskan Islam
Teras capai kemerdekaan
Masa depan sungguh kelam
Kan lenyap peristiwa semalam
Tertutuplah hati terkunci mati
Maruah peribadi dah hilang
Kini kita cuma tinggal kuasa
Yang akan menentukan bangsa
Bersatulah hati, bersama berbakti
Pulih kembali harga diri
Kita sudah tiada masa
Bangunlah dengan gagah perkasa
Janganlah terlalai teruskan usaha
Melayu kan gagah di nusantara
Melayu kan gagah di nusantara
Melayu kan gagah di nusantara

hello guys all around the world..huhu..well it’s been a while since i last post in this blog..3 moths tu..well as you all know, i’m a very busy man..haha..so posting blogs is somewhat a liability to me nowadays..especially when it is sooooo near to my finals..demn..17days in counting..and i haven’t read a single thing yet..ok maybe a bit..tipu la kan kalau tade langsung kan..nyways lets forget about the exams..it’s the mood for hari rayaa~

i’m still in utp..dunno when to get back home to ipoh..the place is quite deserted now with ppl rushing back home to celebrate the raya and holidays..maybe before berbuka, maybe after that..dunno lah..alang is still here..and i’m not rushing anywhere..but i promised my parents to break my fast at home..dunno lah..it’s already 4pm and i haven’t packed anything yet..sempat ke ntah?

wow..the internet connection has been great today..i have been able to open the frenster’s site without any difficulties like i used to have when utp is so jam packed with people..the itms has also been a total motherfucking jackass this sem..blocking even sites like friendster and hotmail..tell u a story..one of the seniors here even missed an interview with schlumberger, a well known engineering company just because he can’t check his email..finding a cc around this tronoh wasteland is so hard..there’ only one known place; orange ape tah..and it opens and closes anytime they like..

wohoo..panjang ke pun tah..mood nak writing byk nih..and many stories to be told either..this year’s ramadhan has been wonderful for me..it’s the first ramadhan for me with mai..hope there’s more for years to come..amin..hehe..we went to the McD buffet for berbuke with some frens (owhh ahmad & afiq punye perut besar gile), sumtimes sahur together..wow, it’s the experience that i never had..it’s not exactly an experience anyway, it’s more like some kind of memory for me to cherish for the later part of my life..and i am so grateful to have such a nice gurlfren, one who never complains when what i got is only a scooter..often it’s me who worries more than her when it comes to riding..hehe..thanks ayang for all of these ;] excluding the summons that i managed to collect recently, it has been a great ramadhan for me..the sad part is that i’m doing so few terawikhs..aih~

have to start packing anyway..

though lots more to be told..later2 lah..the long and boring holidays is just  around the corner anyway..so people, frens and love ones..selamat hari raya from me..like what i said before, us, humans, are not meant to be perfect..there are always flaws & mistakes here and there..sorry for what i did wrong for the past 20 years..haha..salam aidilfitri from me..last but not least; sorry body & soul, in & out..if you guys have the time, datang la beraya kat ipoh..rumah aku kompem dapat duit raya..every year paling kurang pun bapak aku bagi rm150..hahaha..i am filthy rich..yeah right..haha..til then, assalamualaikum!

well i think i’m the happiest guy in the world today, as far as 1230am..only God knows..haha..btw it is supposed to be 21st now..the past week pun has been wonderful..last week went back to koleq..teman keanu in his gti konon2 nak jumpe cikgu before he’s going to aussie..last2 terpaksa la manggunakan alasan mong nak amek tie colours rugby die kat jijah..so keanu best of lucks n remember ur great fren here..seekor koala mahupun kangaroo takkan ku tolak..n also to mong uve got ur chances, use it wisely n dun blow it..not everybody got those chances..huhu..then went back to utp..antar barang2 sume..turun naik stairs, buang peluh dan sedikit lemak..vacuum bilik..alang u should be thankful to me, dah bersih tu..macik cleaner tu nak masuk umah pun taleh..mesti ko kunci nih pintu umah nih..dah la kunci locker sendrik ngan barang2 tu..if i had known earlier jgn harap la nak bawak barang balik umah..a waist of time, energy and duit minyak kete..haha..but then going back to utp really left me something, something that i have never felt before, to cherish for as long as i live..amin..owhh i think my english is improving tremendously after finish reading the 6th : harry potter & the half-blood prince..it’s not that good as ootf tho..spoiler alert, i am not to be blamed again for any leak of information..haha ; with the sad ending yg dumbledore mati n ending yg agak tergantung..and with that sucker, snape who got away after killing ddore..n voldermort yg tak tunjuk muke lgsg..hoho..mmg aku tak berpuas hati..dunno plak reading this kind of stuff really makes me feel sumthing..sensitive in a way..dah la..cukup panjang kot..anyhow i still feel like floating all the way today..ahh..what a nice feeling..thanks to you!

today has been the only day i sweat a lot in a month and a half time..morning played bowling with arep..tho i lost to him twice but he shouldn’t be that proud..both of us didn’t even reached 100 marks in both games..hmm sumthing’s wrong sumwhere..it’s already been 4 games since i last reached 100..after that planning on watching initial D..but then on the way to tgv my scooter suddenly stopped..aku agak dah minyak aku takkan tahan lame..leh la plak abes minyak depan kubur cine..haha..fuck btul..well knowing me, i never did learned anything from my previous experiences..this has been the 5th time it happened..haha..so thank god keanu was around..ade ke patut datang bawak botol mineral kecik tu..durhh..but nyways thanks la kawan..without u aku ngan arip mau la termiss the show..sorry u couldn’t join us..org nak fly la katakan..sibuk isi forms ini itu..duit minyak tu halal la ekh..haha..tgk drifting2 dalam initial D really makes me high..nak jek amek gti ko keanu pg buat camtu..haha

then just now baru balik from main futsal..semput sial..lame gle tak turun main since cuti aritu..demmit btul, dah tue sgt kot..badan pun dah sgt besar..haha..nih mandi pun blum..n it’s almost 1am..lately aku always mandi tgh2 mlm..pagi pun slalu kot..byk sgt aktiviti berfaedah nih =P so like rakan2 ku di merata  malaysia..mari la main futsal utk membuang peluh..dan isi la minyak anda sebelum anda tersadai di tepi kubur cine..kena tgh malam padan muke..wakakaka