βðňعәŗ

It has been 2 months since we broke up and it also has been a month since I last spoke to her, or even heard anything from her. There are times when I feel like picking up the phone and calling her, but what sucks about it is that I know I can’t. I know that somehow she is hiding from me. At least I must respect that.

I am still haunted by regrets and I don’t know when they will go away. I miss everything about her but I can’t do anything. Things have been hard, at least for me. But I am trying to stand on my own, cause I know, she hopes for that too.
If I can turn back time, I will do a LOT of things differently. Is it too late? I don’t know. But what I can do is pray, each and every day. Allah knows what’s best for us.

Dear You, this is for You, whether You’ll be reading it or not. I am so sorry for everything I have done to You. I had not been a good boyfriend to You, that I admit. ;( I am sorry if I changed into something that I should not. Will You ever forgive me?

—>
Back then, when I first stepped my foot in UTP
I didn’t expect myself to fall in love
I just wanted to finish what I started, graduate,
Make my family proud, make myself proud,
And go out into the real world to fulfill my dreams

But then I met You, the first day I was there
You were the first girl that I laid my eyes upon
You made my heart beats faster in a way that nobody else could
And after a year of waiting, chasing and hoping
You accepted me in Your life, as Your other half
No words could ever described how happy, how thankful I was at that time
It was all like a dream, it was all like a fairytale to me
Thank You Mai Nazura for making me feel that way

1 year, 6 months, 3 days
That’s how much time we’re together

Why must we ended up this way?
Why must something so beautiful fell apart?
Why can’t we hold on?
Why did You walked away?
Am I just another boyfriend to You?
Are those days that we spent together meant nothing to You?
Are these memories to be forgotten?
Am I just a bad dream?

I used to ask those questions to myself before
Trying so hard to find the answers
But I am not You
I don’t know what are You thinking of
And even worst, I don’t know what to do
I am lost without You

But then I realized
How hard was it for You to try
How hard was it for You to be patient
How hard was it for You to hold on
You sacrificed a lot to make me happy
You tried so hard to not hurt my feelings eventhough it hurts Yours much more
You did everything because You loved me
And that’s when I stopped asking

I’ve did a lot of mistakes, mistakes that can’t be undone
Maybe this is God’s way to show how wrong I am in doing what i did to You
I am sorry for causing You so much pain, anger, sadness, sufferings and heartbreaks
And because of that
Maybe I don’t deserve to be happy
Maybe I don’t deserve You

I never blamed You for what happened to us
It was all my fault
Overprotecting, sensitive, too much jealousy, not understanding and so much more
One shouldn’t have all that in a relationship but I did
I should have done better to care about You, to understand You, to respect You, to Love You,
But i failed You, and I truly am sorry for disappointing
It was not You who doesn’t know how to love
But it was me who doesn’t know how to love You back
Please forgive me..

Honestly,
I’ve never felt happier than spending all those days & nights with You
Though it was only for a short moment, it felt like a lifetime
I even thought to myself
"This is the girl that I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, the one that I’ll be happy and sad with, this is the one for me!"
Hey it’s not wrong for a young guy to dream, to hope, to have something to hold on to
But now, though the dreams are still there, the reality is already out of reach
How can I take it all back?

A friend once said to me,
"Don’t be a wuss, and stop crying over a spilt milk, you’re still young and you still have every chance to find someone better!"
Well, saying seems to be a lot simpler than actually doing it
Don’t you think I’ve tried?
I’ve really tried, doing all those things to make me not think about You
I even went as far as Genting to be happy, to enjoy myself, to not be miserable
But the memories keep coming back, one after the other

God has a mysterious way of showing His love to His servants
Kata orang, "Jodoh tak ke mana."
If really we are meant to be together, then He’ll show us the way
And by God’s willing, if one day the gate that You once closed opens again for me,
Then I’ll be more than happy to walk through it, right beside You
But if by God’s willing too, if He thinks that I don’t deserve all that
Then I’ll be on the other side, accepting my fate, and never stop praying that You’ll always be happy
With whatever You do, and whoever You’re doing it with

We are not strangers to each other
No matter what happens,
You will always be someone special to me
You will always be in my heart
I’ll always be there for You in times of need
I’ll be Your eyes, Your ears, Your crying shoulders
For now, please be happy and enjoy Your life anyway You could
You deserve that, much, much more than I do
And hating You, it does not even crossed my mind

And to my dear friends,
I know most of you are far, far away
But thanks for trying to cheer me up anyway you could
I’m sorry if I was a stubborn brat
I hope you guys won’t take the same path I took
It’s sad, painful and lonely
I’ve learned my lesson the hard way

If you think they are the one for you, fight for them and never give up
Just remember
You can’t be everything to them
And they can’t be everything to you
Learn to tolerate and be more understanding
Before it’s too late,
Before you regret.
<—

p/s: what’s a fairytale without a happy ending? if they really existed, then I’ll be waiting patiently for mine, one day, someday..

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 24th, 2007 at 10:30 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.